By Cory Woodroof
In the long desert of offseason football, therein lies an oasis of Preseason.
Here, weary travelers near and far, panged with thirst for something, anything, to quench their desire for the wonders of football, only to taste something bitter, something deceptively sweet, something that will drive good men mad.
Or, at the least, leave you looking silly as you sit in the sand, chugging beach dirt, thinking it’s a glass of Milo’s sweet tea.
Welcome to preseason football in Falconland.
The Atlanta Falcons “lost” their first plunge into opposing football activities to the New York Jets Friday night 17-0 in the first dose of preseason action, a time where coaches experiment ideas with reserve players, starters play for roughly five minutes if they’re that unlucky and fans decide this random roster shuffle of scrimmage play indicates this, this, is exactly what their team is going to look like in September, when, y’know, things actually matter for something, and stars play more than a snap or two.
Let’s break down what actually happened: the Falcons first-team defense looked good and forced a three-and-out. The Falcons first-team offense played for two minutes and threw a pass, with a couple of annoying penalties in there. Kurt Benkert played. Rookie DT Deadrin Senat looked good. It didn’t rain. The dude sneezed doing the play-by-play or commentating or whatever. A theater nearby played that big ass shark movie, and someone probably mentioned at the stadium how they opted not to go see the big ass shark movie for this game, and how they now regret it, because they now preseason football is a meaningless attempt to fill the void of your favorite sport at a point in the season where teams are still just trying to figure out what exactly is going on with their roster and playbook....