The NBA Playoffs Fear Index

Aterm that I’m going to use a lot in this column is “Playoff Scary,” which, by way of a short explanation, simply means, “a team that is scary in the playoffs.” By way of a long explanation, it means:

A team that’s Playoff Scary is one where, OK, imagine this: Imagine it’s a week ago and you’re walking home from work or school or wherever. It’s nice out and you have on your best headphones and you’re listening to your best song and things in your life at that exact moment are just generally going great. But then, tragedy: You step out into the street and, out of nowhere, BLAMM-O! You get hit by a truck.

Here’s the thing, though: You, being the strong and wonderful and beautiful and talented and cosmically-protected-by-the-universe person that you are, survive the hit. Matter of fact, it barely even hurts you. The only thing of consequence that happens is you end up getting knocked unconscious, and you actually stay unconscious all the way up until today, April 12, 2017. (Since we are imagining this situation, let’s go ahead and bake into it that your coma is somehow viewed in an entirely positive light by everyone. During hospital rounds, doctors approach your bed with groups of residents and say things like, “This person is experiencing a new phenomenon called the Affirmative Coma, which, truth be told, is pretty much like taking a very good nap. This person will wake up and be happier and smarter and more attractive, and also will have considerably more followers on social media than before the accident. We should all be so lucky.”)


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